fix btw desperation and hope.....

today on my way back i was in a strange state.....i wasnt sure what i am doing.....for what i am doing.....where am i going.....i have lost all my sense of judgement....
I who used to boast about getting the sense of everything.....recognizing every person....I who used to be so sure about my ideas....who used to defend them with clearance....is no more the same.........
sometimes i feel the great urge of keeping quite....of staying silent...of not answering anyone's any question.....my mind is in constant war....thinking n thinking....not coming to any conclusion.....there is no clear path infront of me....on every path there are people to tell me that i am about to choose the wrong path.....
i am so much afraid of the wrong path.....coz i know if i did i shall never be allowed to go on any path.... to choose any path.....the only key is the success key.....the world....your friends....your parents....everyone....just accept the success....
no one is with you when you lose....
i dont know again what i am trying to say what i want.....i dont know anthing.....i am hating everything....i am hating myself....

I take my words back.... :(

i just spotted out the wrong spelling of "matric" in one of my posts....... so i take my words back tat i have good english language skills.... :( damn........

Music has an effect on me.....

Music has got a great effect on me..... can change my mood in no time.....but it should be the right one at the right time..... just a few days back was sitting with me friend in a cafe when after some damn boring songs a very nice romantic soft breath taking song touched my ears.....as the song started the cafe guy lowered its volume.....my friend liked it equally so we called the waiter and asked him to replay the song and this time with high volume....
after some time it was not only played again with high volume but was played till the time we stayed there and when we were about to leave the man on computer said was it your choice??.....we said yes......he said a very good and nice choice.... "bht ala choice hai" hahahahahaaaaa.......

after that we came home searched for that song in our pc and played it the whole night and since then i am listening and floating.....great

books and music....and yeah nice food can change me like hell ;)

WOW!!!

after a long time i just posted something and then take a trip back to old posts..... wow man!!! my english used to be quite good....lol...not that bad....
like every pakistani i am very much concerned abt my english.....lol.. ;)

whats goin on???

again turns came up in life.....as everyone says the practical life has jst started.....and as everyone says its the real toughest part....
i dnt know i am facing any problems or not....but i am sure of one thing in this practical life 99% problems are unknown and are coming from somewhere inside me.....practically the problems outside me are nt that great...they can be solved easily....but the inside remains unsolved......i am sad without reason.....excited...dnt know why......want to do something big and at times jst want to quit everything....want to be in party and then complete isolation...... and if the requirements are not fulfilled the heart sinks.....
insane???? thats what im writing about......i wish i could tell my all insanity to someone.....i wish someone just share my insanity or even just act to share...... i have got a lot of patience....people say i have got a lot of tolerance.....but i feel like i am the most impatient person.....my inside blasts with impatience but still i hold back somehow..... i have begun to feel that i am getting weaker day by day..... i cant hold back anymore....... everyword every sentence is losing its meaning for me...... everything seems to be worthless...... everything has something which creats confusion...... i begin to answer something... i begin to defend something...some idea or something else and then suddenly my mind gives a counter theory against that idea or thing and i became silent...... people dnt understand a thing...... i cant explain them anything in few words..... moreover they dnt even understand the long ..most explained things too....
i realize mostly this world cmprises of dummies..... the real genuine people are very few..... rest are just passing time......just the part of the game....... supporting actors...... i cant figure out my own place.......
the heart knows all these realities......heart knows nothing will last..... heart knows no one is with it forever..... it knows everything is but a mirage...... but still it cries over every little thing....it asks for insane things.... it believes in impossible things...... people say heart breaks....but i say no.....my heart makes n breaks n makes n breaks.....it keeps on doing that.....its getting weaker but its pace has increased.........
i dnt know where will it lead me...........